In my Creative nonfiction class the professor gave us a unique exercise to do. I share it with you in hopes of allowing your creative writing juices to flow.
Take out a blank piece of paper. Now, think of a childhood home you grew up in. Draw the floor plan of the house. If it has a basement , an attic, the bathrooms, porches, decks, anything you can think of to give it as much detail as you can. Once you have the floor plan draw the furniture into it. Where was the couch in the living room? What was the shape of the toilet? What furniture was there in the bedroom? When you are completely finished with every detail you can think of place your pencil or pen down. Look at this floor plan and think back to the memories you have there. Pick up the pencil and place a star in each place you have a memory? The Christmas tree or where you wish there had been one when your family couldn't afford one. The first pet you were given and where it was presented to you. Maybe your memory is of being sick and your mom bringing you soup. For every little memory that floods you place a star in that area of your house. When your finished count your stars. You may have one star; great for a short story. You may have nearly thirty stars or more; the makings of a book.
Anytime you don't know what to write you can do this exercise. Not just with a childhood home. You can do this with places you have visited, schools you went to, and any other place. When starting out it isn't important what you write, it is important that you write.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Friday, January 15, 2010
She was just 17.
Today my daughter is turning seventeen years old. It's a great milestone in my life as I am a few months shy of my thirty-sixth birthday. As you do the math you come to realize I was just 18 when I had my little angel. I look at her life now and compare it to what I was doing at seventeen. I was half way through my Junior year in high school. I didn't care about my grades as long as I got a C or higher so my parents wouldn't complain. I ran around with my friends as much as possible. I thought I knew everything there was to know about life and couldn't wait to be out on my own. It was in that seventeenth year that I learned many of life's lessons. The most important lesson I learned was New Year's Eve of 1991.
It was December 31st, 1991 and I was looking forward to going to a party at The Jay Hotel in Peoria, Illinois just a half hour away from home. My boyfriend's name was Jack and he was a Guard at a prison about an hour away. He was ten years my senior but I felt that I was so mature that there was nothing wrong with dating a twenty-seven year old. My best friend Kellie (also seventeen) and her boyfriend (twenty-one), who was a security guard at the same prison, had introduced me to him.
By this time in my life I had moved out of my parent's house. I was finishing up school, working full time, and staying with my grandparent's until I could find an apartment of my own. I felt like I was an adult and should be able to act like one. I thought I knew everything about life and nothing could touch me. I was an adult.
I met Jack at the Jay Hotel around seven that evening. He introduced me to a couple of his friends who were also security guards. We talked for a bit and then he asked them if they would go get the food for the party. He walked the out of the suite and closed the door behind them.
I didn't think anything of it and opened a can of Sprite. I may have thought I was an adult but I had enough sense not to drink underage in Peoria. It's one thing to be in the middle of a corn field. It's quite another to be drinking in a hotel in a large city.
He came back in and told me how much he had missed me and we began to make out. In about 45 minutes we had managed to make out, have sex, I was dressed again, and he was taking a shower to get ready for the party.
I answered the door to the guys returning with the food as Jack was finishing his shower. We chatted about nothing important. I can't even recall a single topic that we had discussed. I remember him coming out of the bathroom and joining us for a bit. Then he said he'd be back and grabbed my hand. He told me to grab my coat and purse, which I did figuring we were going to get something else.
When we got down to my car he let me in on the passenger side and he got in on the driver's side. "Wendy I just found out that this is going to be a stag party. I am so sorry but your going to have to go home. I will call you in the morning." I begged him to leave his buddies and for the two of us to have our own celebration. I had wanted to see the New Year come in with him.
My parent's had been so strict growing up that I had never had a date on New Year's before. I had never had a guy come over to the house for New Year's. Being independent and doing things my parent's had always said no to was one of the reasons I had moved out.
While we had this talk he had driven my car up to the entrance of The Jay Hotel so he wouldn't have to walk as far to get back up to the room. He leaned over, kissed me, and said "Call you tomorrow." Then he got out, closed the door behind him, and walked inside without evening looking back.
For a moment I just sat there stunned. I was so angry at him. He had used me! That asshole wanted a piece of ass and used me. Then I ratioanlized it. He was such a caring guy. He cared for me so much that he didn't want me to be the only woman at a party with a bunch of guys who would be drinking and could hurt me. How thoughtful he was to be looking out for my safety. Once I had come to terms with an answer I liked I slid over to the driver's side of the car locked the driver's side door and pulled away from the beautiful Jay Hotel.
Life Lesson#90: Always lock your car doors!
As I drove I home I was thinking about the party I had hoped it would be rather than the party it had turned into. I had thought that Jack and his security guard friends were going to have a fantasy New Year's Eve party that was filled with girlfriend's and wives just like I had seen on television and movies. You never saw guys having a stag party for New Year's in the movies.
The streets seemed exceptionally empty for being around 9:30pm on a New Year's Eve. Then again it was cold and it had snowed earlier in the day. I guess most people were already at a party or at a bar wating to bring in the New Year.
I was listening to a Skid Row cassette and the song playing was "18 and Life." Still day dreaming about the party I had thought I was going to rather than what I ended up with. I pulled up to a red light and waited. The light seemed to take forever to change. I hadn't really given any thought to the man in the heavy parka sitting on a bench waiting for the bus. Sure I had glanced at him when I stopped but that was it.
The next thing I knew he was at the passenger side of my car, opening it, and jumping in. Before I could do anything he put a knife up to my neck and told me to take a right. I did so not thinking of anything but the lock on the passenger door. How could I have forgotten to lock it? I always keep my passenger door locked and always ask people getting out to lock it.
He gave me instructions that led us to back behind some industrial buildings. I was afraid that my car would get stuck as no one had been back in this area to plow. There were no footprints, nothing. The area looked beautiful and untouched. If the situation wasn't so scary I would be in awe as I looked at the empty lot positioned between two large industrial looking buildings with only a single utility light to keep the dark away.
He told me to shut off the car. Still holding the knife close to me he grabbed my hair and pulled me out the passenger side. He shoved me onto the hood of the car face down and told me that if I did everything he said he wouldn't "slit my pretty throat wide open."
Then he got off me and stood back a couple of steps. He told me to take of my coat. I did so even though the temperature was freezing. I wrapped my arms around me to stay warm and he told me to put my hands to my sides. I was wearing a dark blue halter styled top, mid-thigh green & blue plaid skirt, and black 4" heels. I thought the outfit made me look sophisticated. The man told me I was dressed like a whore.
He came up to me and felt between my legs. His face looked shocked when he felt my white cotton brief panties under my skirt. "Whores aren't supposed to wear underwear" he shouted at me. Tears began to pour down my face as he ordered me to turn around take them off. I had just gotten them down to my ankles when he jumped onto me pushing my stomach against the hood ornament. The feel of it made me want to throw up the Sprite I had drank earlier.
With my heels on I was too tall for him. He yanked on my hair again and pulled me away from the car. My ankle gave out and my shoe went flying. I tripped fell and slammed my face into the snow and the gravel beneath it. He flipped me over and punched me in the stomach. He accused me of trying to get away from him. He grabbed me by my throat and told me not to move a muscle. I stared up into the sky and begged for this nightmare to be over. As this man raped me I zoned out. I had the chorus to "18 and life" running through my head and I started looking toward the sky to see if I could see snow flakes. I kept thinking how beautiful snow flakes are and to see the very first one coming down for a fresh snow would be so beautiful.
I don't know what scared him off or if he just finished his business but I vaguely remember him getting off me and leaving. I just laid there for what seemed to be the longest time looking into the sky with the dim ulitity light as a moon. Just lying there waiting to see a snow flake. I figured my car was gone and I would have no idea who I could call. It would be better for me to just lie there and fall asleep in the snow. If I died it would be much better than having to face my parents or grandparents. I really was a whore now.
After awhile my body began to shake and I had to pee. To me, a seventeen year old girl, the most disgusting thing in the world would be to pee on myself. I slowly rolled over and got up on all fours. I kept waiting for him to grab my hair and shove me back down again but it didn't happen. I guess he was really gone. I stood up, squated down and pee'd. My body hurt so bad. I knew I must not be dead if I hurt this much. I turned to look for my shoe and to my surprise my car was still there. I saw my shoe and grabbed it. I wasn't moving fast at all. I don't think I could have ran if I had wanted to.
I saw that both doors of the car were shut. For a moment I froze thinking maybe he was hiding in the car. I slowly walked up to it. I saw where his shoe prints had went to the driver's side of the car and then had left out of the lot the same way we had come in. 1 set of car tracks coming in 1 set of men's footprints going out. I was pretty sure by now that he was gone. I went to get into my car on the driver's side and realized it was locked. I walked around to the other side and tried the handle. It too was locked. Out of habit I must have locked the door as he had pulled me out.
I had such a habit of locking my doors that it was not uncommon for me to lock myself out of my vehicle. I crawled up under my car and reached above the muffler for the hide-a-key I kept there. I noticed that my muffler was completely cold. I wondered how long I had been there. I got into my car and double checked to make sure both doors were locked before I started my car up. As I turned on the car the clock showed 11:57.
I pulled out of that lot and traced my path back to the street which I had come from. I saw the bus stop bench. The was no man there now. There was only a space he had wiped off to sit down. I looked at the light. It was red. If I turned left I could go to the Hospital. If I turned right I could go home. I didn't have insurance of my own and at seventeen if I had went to the hospital they would have called my parents. I didn't want to hear what they had to say so I turned right.
I drove the 40 minutes it took me to get to my grandparent's farm. I wrapped my black wool trench coat around me and buttoned every button up. I quietly went inside praying that Grandma and Grandpa would be asleep. They didn't have a shower, only a bath tub. I turned on only the hot water and let the water trickle into the bath tub. I stood outside the tub and began to scrub my body at the sink. Once I felt every part of me was thoroughly free of that man I stepped into the tub. The edges of the tub were cold and the water was hot. It felt good, clean, pure.
Life Lesson #15: Before attempting suicide think about who is going to find you and what impact finding your lifeless body is going to be on them.
I laid in that tub debating over drowning myself in that porcelain tub. However all I could imagine was my poor grandparents finding me. They had been so good to me and for them to have to find me was not fair to them. I got out of the tub and let it drain. I wrapped a towel around me and went up to my room. Then I put on my most childish pajamas, pink with puppies and kitties on them and laid down.
The next day around lunch time I got up and had lunch with Grandma. She asked what time I got in and I told her. I apologized to her but felt better coming home than staying with a friend. I tried to behave like everything was normal. When she pushed I told her that my boyfriend and I had a fight so I had left the party and come home instead of going to a friends afterward.
I went back up stairs and slept. When I woke up again I wrote a poem about rape in my journal and then inspected my body. The Ford Thunderbird Hood Ornament had made a bruise on my stomach and I had alot of bruises on my body. I had quite a bit of bruising around my neck but luckily nothing on my face.
I was a lucky one. I survived. Yes, I should have went to the police or the hospital. To this day whenever I have to drive by that street I get nauseated. I still can't remember what the man's face looks like. Sometimes I will see a man walking down the street and try to see if he reminds me of the guy. The early 90's were a time where women still blamed themselves for getting raped. More often than not television shows usually had cops and lawyers on that treated the victim as if it was her fault. Alot has changed in the last eighteen years.
I hope that I have raised my daughter to be able to come to me if anything bad happens to her. I hope I have taught her all of the life's lessons that I share with you now. I hope that if you are raped you will go to the police and hospital and let them do a rape kit. With the DNA technology they have now it is getting much easier to find rapists and prosecute them. Although stranger rape doesn't happen nearly as often as being raped by someone you know both crimes are equally horrible. If you have been raped or know someone who has been raped I encourage you to contact the National Sexual Assult Online Hotline at online.rainn.org or you can call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Life Lesson #75: Never hesitate to ask for help.
WARNING!
The story below is very disturbing and reader discretion is advised. It was December 31st, 1991 and I was looking forward to going to a party at The Jay Hotel in Peoria, Illinois just a half hour away from home. My boyfriend's name was Jack and he was a Guard at a prison about an hour away. He was ten years my senior but I felt that I was so mature that there was nothing wrong with dating a twenty-seven year old. My best friend Kellie (also seventeen) and her boyfriend (twenty-one), who was a security guard at the same prison, had introduced me to him.
By this time in my life I had moved out of my parent's house. I was finishing up school, working full time, and staying with my grandparent's until I could find an apartment of my own. I felt like I was an adult and should be able to act like one. I thought I knew everything about life and nothing could touch me. I was an adult.
I met Jack at the Jay Hotel around seven that evening. He introduced me to a couple of his friends who were also security guards. We talked for a bit and then he asked them if they would go get the food for the party. He walked the out of the suite and closed the door behind them.
I didn't think anything of it and opened a can of Sprite. I may have thought I was an adult but I had enough sense not to drink underage in Peoria. It's one thing to be in the middle of a corn field. It's quite another to be drinking in a hotel in a large city.
He came back in and told me how much he had missed me and we began to make out. In about 45 minutes we had managed to make out, have sex, I was dressed again, and he was taking a shower to get ready for the party.
I answered the door to the guys returning with the food as Jack was finishing his shower. We chatted about nothing important. I can't even recall a single topic that we had discussed. I remember him coming out of the bathroom and joining us for a bit. Then he said he'd be back and grabbed my hand. He told me to grab my coat and purse, which I did figuring we were going to get something else.
When we got down to my car he let me in on the passenger side and he got in on the driver's side. "Wendy I just found out that this is going to be a stag party. I am so sorry but your going to have to go home. I will call you in the morning." I begged him to leave his buddies and for the two of us to have our own celebration. I had wanted to see the New Year come in with him.
My parent's had been so strict growing up that I had never had a date on New Year's before. I had never had a guy come over to the house for New Year's. Being independent and doing things my parent's had always said no to was one of the reasons I had moved out.
While we had this talk he had driven my car up to the entrance of The Jay Hotel so he wouldn't have to walk as far to get back up to the room. He leaned over, kissed me, and said "Call you tomorrow." Then he got out, closed the door behind him, and walked inside without evening looking back.
For a moment I just sat there stunned. I was so angry at him. He had used me! That asshole wanted a piece of ass and used me. Then I ratioanlized it. He was such a caring guy. He cared for me so much that he didn't want me to be the only woman at a party with a bunch of guys who would be drinking and could hurt me. How thoughtful he was to be looking out for my safety. Once I had come to terms with an answer I liked I slid over to the driver's side of the car locked the driver's side door and pulled away from the beautiful Jay Hotel.
Life Lesson#90: Always lock your car doors!
As I drove I home I was thinking about the party I had hoped it would be rather than the party it had turned into. I had thought that Jack and his security guard friends were going to have a fantasy New Year's Eve party that was filled with girlfriend's and wives just like I had seen on television and movies. You never saw guys having a stag party for New Year's in the movies.
The streets seemed exceptionally empty for being around 9:30pm on a New Year's Eve. Then again it was cold and it had snowed earlier in the day. I guess most people were already at a party or at a bar wating to bring in the New Year.
I was listening to a Skid Row cassette and the song playing was "18 and Life." Still day dreaming about the party I had thought I was going to rather than what I ended up with. I pulled up to a red light and waited. The light seemed to take forever to change. I hadn't really given any thought to the man in the heavy parka sitting on a bench waiting for the bus. Sure I had glanced at him when I stopped but that was it.
The next thing I knew he was at the passenger side of my car, opening it, and jumping in. Before I could do anything he put a knife up to my neck and told me to take a right. I did so not thinking of anything but the lock on the passenger door. How could I have forgotten to lock it? I always keep my passenger door locked and always ask people getting out to lock it.
He gave me instructions that led us to back behind some industrial buildings. I was afraid that my car would get stuck as no one had been back in this area to plow. There were no footprints, nothing. The area looked beautiful and untouched. If the situation wasn't so scary I would be in awe as I looked at the empty lot positioned between two large industrial looking buildings with only a single utility light to keep the dark away.
He told me to shut off the car. Still holding the knife close to me he grabbed my hair and pulled me out the passenger side. He shoved me onto the hood of the car face down and told me that if I did everything he said he wouldn't "slit my pretty throat wide open."
Then he got off me and stood back a couple of steps. He told me to take of my coat. I did so even though the temperature was freezing. I wrapped my arms around me to stay warm and he told me to put my hands to my sides. I was wearing a dark blue halter styled top, mid-thigh green & blue plaid skirt, and black 4" heels. I thought the outfit made me look sophisticated. The man told me I was dressed like a whore.
He came up to me and felt between my legs. His face looked shocked when he felt my white cotton brief panties under my skirt. "Whores aren't supposed to wear underwear" he shouted at me. Tears began to pour down my face as he ordered me to turn around take them off. I had just gotten them down to my ankles when he jumped onto me pushing my stomach against the hood ornament. The feel of it made me want to throw up the Sprite I had drank earlier.
With my heels on I was too tall for him. He yanked on my hair again and pulled me away from the car. My ankle gave out and my shoe went flying. I tripped fell and slammed my face into the snow and the gravel beneath it. He flipped me over and punched me in the stomach. He accused me of trying to get away from him. He grabbed me by my throat and told me not to move a muscle. I stared up into the sky and begged for this nightmare to be over. As this man raped me I zoned out. I had the chorus to "18 and life" running through my head and I started looking toward the sky to see if I could see snow flakes. I kept thinking how beautiful snow flakes are and to see the very first one coming down for a fresh snow would be so beautiful.
I don't know what scared him off or if he just finished his business but I vaguely remember him getting off me and leaving. I just laid there for what seemed to be the longest time looking into the sky with the dim ulitity light as a moon. Just lying there waiting to see a snow flake. I figured my car was gone and I would have no idea who I could call. It would be better for me to just lie there and fall asleep in the snow. If I died it would be much better than having to face my parents or grandparents. I really was a whore now.
After awhile my body began to shake and I had to pee. To me, a seventeen year old girl, the most disgusting thing in the world would be to pee on myself. I slowly rolled over and got up on all fours. I kept waiting for him to grab my hair and shove me back down again but it didn't happen. I guess he was really gone. I stood up, squated down and pee'd. My body hurt so bad. I knew I must not be dead if I hurt this much. I turned to look for my shoe and to my surprise my car was still there. I saw my shoe and grabbed it. I wasn't moving fast at all. I don't think I could have ran if I had wanted to.
I saw that both doors of the car were shut. For a moment I froze thinking maybe he was hiding in the car. I slowly walked up to it. I saw where his shoe prints had went to the driver's side of the car and then had left out of the lot the same way we had come in. 1 set of car tracks coming in 1 set of men's footprints going out. I was pretty sure by now that he was gone. I went to get into my car on the driver's side and realized it was locked. I walked around to the other side and tried the handle. It too was locked. Out of habit I must have locked the door as he had pulled me out.
I had such a habit of locking my doors that it was not uncommon for me to lock myself out of my vehicle. I crawled up under my car and reached above the muffler for the hide-a-key I kept there. I noticed that my muffler was completely cold. I wondered how long I had been there. I got into my car and double checked to make sure both doors were locked before I started my car up. As I turned on the car the clock showed 11:57.
I pulled out of that lot and traced my path back to the street which I had come from. I saw the bus stop bench. The was no man there now. There was only a space he had wiped off to sit down. I looked at the light. It was red. If I turned left I could go to the Hospital. If I turned right I could go home. I didn't have insurance of my own and at seventeen if I had went to the hospital they would have called my parents. I didn't want to hear what they had to say so I turned right.
I drove the 40 minutes it took me to get to my grandparent's farm. I wrapped my black wool trench coat around me and buttoned every button up. I quietly went inside praying that Grandma and Grandpa would be asleep. They didn't have a shower, only a bath tub. I turned on only the hot water and let the water trickle into the bath tub. I stood outside the tub and began to scrub my body at the sink. Once I felt every part of me was thoroughly free of that man I stepped into the tub. The edges of the tub were cold and the water was hot. It felt good, clean, pure.
Life Lesson #15: Before attempting suicide think about who is going to find you and what impact finding your lifeless body is going to be on them.
I laid in that tub debating over drowning myself in that porcelain tub. However all I could imagine was my poor grandparents finding me. They had been so good to me and for them to have to find me was not fair to them. I got out of the tub and let it drain. I wrapped a towel around me and went up to my room. Then I put on my most childish pajamas, pink with puppies and kitties on them and laid down.
The next day around lunch time I got up and had lunch with Grandma. She asked what time I got in and I told her. I apologized to her but felt better coming home than staying with a friend. I tried to behave like everything was normal. When she pushed I told her that my boyfriend and I had a fight so I had left the party and come home instead of going to a friends afterward.
I went back up stairs and slept. When I woke up again I wrote a poem about rape in my journal and then inspected my body. The Ford Thunderbird Hood Ornament had made a bruise on my stomach and I had alot of bruises on my body. I had quite a bit of bruising around my neck but luckily nothing on my face.
I was a lucky one. I survived. Yes, I should have went to the police or the hospital. To this day whenever I have to drive by that street I get nauseated. I still can't remember what the man's face looks like. Sometimes I will see a man walking down the street and try to see if he reminds me of the guy. The early 90's were a time where women still blamed themselves for getting raped. More often than not television shows usually had cops and lawyers on that treated the victim as if it was her fault. Alot has changed in the last eighteen years.
I hope that I have raised my daughter to be able to come to me if anything bad happens to her. I hope I have taught her all of the life's lessons that I share with you now. I hope that if you are raped you will go to the police and hospital and let them do a rape kit. With the DNA technology they have now it is getting much easier to find rapists and prosecute them. Although stranger rape doesn't happen nearly as often as being raped by someone you know both crimes are equally horrible. If you have been raped or know someone who has been raped I encourage you to contact the National Sexual Assult Online Hotline at online.rainn.org or you can call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Life Lesson #75: Never hesitate to ask for help.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Second Chances in Relationships
This wisdom is being passed along by a woman who has experienced this situation first hand. The advice given has paid off greatly for her and hopes to help you or someone you know in a similar situation.
Famous line in most relationships having trouble: "Give me a second chance."
Biblically: I was the one who was raised with old fashioned values. If someone does wrong to you don't forgive them seven times but 70 times 7 and after you have forgiven them continue to forgive them just as God forgives you. The bible says that the only reason to divorce is for adultery.
Legally: Only 26 states in the United States say that Adultery is illegal and Illinois is one of them. Of those only 16 allow adultery to be grounds for divorce and Illinois is not one of them.
Illinois: when I asked to file charges against my husband and his girlfriend for adultery the police officer promptly said "Lady, if I arrested everyone who committed adultery then two-thirds of everyone would be in jail." Mind you this is a state that says it is illegal. I guess that's why so many of Illinois governors have served time in prison. If those that are supposed to uphold the law don't then why should any of it's citizens bother to follow the law?
So many times in my past relationships I came across the words "Give me another chance!" Sometimes it was my partner and other times it was me saying it. Sometimes, especially while in high school my partner would say sure and we would be back together. As I grew up I never quite got over the hump to say enough was enough until I met Matt. In 2001 my second husband had passed away (a story for another time) and I was spending time either working or drinking. Sometimes I was working and drinking. Luckily I had a very understanding boss, that or he really didn't care. I met Matt when he came into the dealership I worked at to buy a car. He was sweet, charming, and had a rugged look. The car dealership was a buy here, pay here type of place so Matt came in every month to make his payments. On his second Visit he asked if "Maybe we could go out sometime." My interpretation was "We should hang out at a bar sometime." I answered maybe. On his third Visit he asked for my number. I gave it to him but doubted he would call.
Almost two weeks later I was on a dinner date when my cell phone rang. It was Matt asking if he could take me out. I quickly said yes and that I would call him back. That evening after a disastrous date (the guy thought it went great) I called Matt back. We made a date for two weeks later. About a week later he calls me back and explains that he is getting a divorce but really wants to date me but would feel more comfortable if we double dated with his mom and her new boyfriend so that I would know how sincere he was and that he wasn't lying about getting a divorce.
The night before we went out he called and we proceeded to talk for over three hours. My cell phone died, his cell phone died, and his home phone died before we stopped talking. Before I even went on the date I knew this man was everything I had ever looked for in a man. The problem was that when you are sharing your life story with someone else you tend to not tell them the negatives.
The date went fabulously. Actually it was very awkward as Matt's mom's date turned out to be a total embarrassment. The man couldn't shut up during the movie and to make matters worse seemed to be going out of his way to humiliate her. By the end of the date Matt's mom, Helen and I were quickly becoming friends. After we dropped his mom and her date off we drove around continuing to talk. The next day we met each other's children and I met his brother-in-law. A few days later I met his eldest sister and her children by the end of the week I had met his other sister, Cathy and her children. Essentially I met the entire family in a matter of one week and I loved them all.
One week later he was helping his brother-in-law's parents move. The U-haul truck they had rented had a failure of the emergency brake and the truck rolled back crushing Matt's brother-in-law, Vince. When I first got the call I stayed put. Matt's estrange wife and her sister had went to the hospital upon finding out and I figured that I had no right to be there. Afterwards I got a call asking to please come to the hospital. I spent a month of driving back and forth to the hospital, to their house, to my house, and running errands. I spent every extra penny I had helping their family financially. (Don't ever do this expecting to be paid back because there is never a guarantee unless it is written in blood and even then don't believe the blood is real.)
Vince recovered well enough to be home for Christmas and a wonderful Christmas it was. My children and I spent Christmas day at Vince and Amy's house. Matt bought me a beautiful gold cross necklace with his birthstone in the center surrounded by four diamond chips. Around two o'clock that afternoon Matt's estranged wife came by to pick up his kids.
She had problems of her own and the kids were spending most of their time with him. She would get them when it was convenient for her. At the time she was living with a man who was wanted for attempted murder of a police office. In February he was captured by the FBI and she came running to "her babies." She acted like he had prevented her from seeing her children for any length of time. As her children were four, three, and one and hardly knew her anymore Matt being the good father agreed to spend the night at her house on the couch so that the kids would stay the night. I was intimidated because she was his legal wife.
On Valentine's Day two weeks later Matt asked me to go to his sister Amy's after work. I arrived around four and anxiously awaited him to get there. Three hours later he pulled up and presented me with a beautiful gold bracelet where the tiny hearts linked together. I loved it but also asked why he was so late. It turns out he had to take his wife to the airport to catch a flight to meet another boyfriend. I went home that night with mixed feelings.
Life Lesson #28: If the person you like is married they are not on the market until the divorce is finalized!
That summer began the first of him going back to her. Always leaving her because he wanted to be with me. Going back to her, for the kid’s sake. Coming back to me because I was right for him. There were so many times this happened I can't even count them. Through all of this we never lived together as I was trying to hold onto some of the important values I had been raised with. Between 2002 and 2003 it became a strange game of cat and mouse. When he was with me she was doing everything she could to get him back. When I finally would think we were over and would start dating again he would "realize he was wrong" and want to start again.
At the end of 2003 a third girl fell into the mix. Her name was Janice and she walked into the car dealership where Matt was working. She was a sweet eighteen year-old that came in with a friend of Matt's and his now ex-wife, Denise. She was pregnant and needing a car as her boyfriend was going to prison. Somehow they ended up dating.
It became almost like a schedule. Date Denise, Date Wendy, Date Janice, rinse and repeat. At the beginning of 2004 Matt's best friend Joshua came to me and said "Wendy, I know you love him but he is always going to hurt you. You need to move on. I love you and I love Matt but I can't stand to see him hurting you. He lies to you and just keeps hurting you and your kids."
I walked away vowing that I would stop this cycle of bad relationship. Two months later before Matt had a chance to work his way back around to me Joshua died in an accidental drowning. My world shattered as did my children's. At Joshua's Funeral I sat next to Helen as we had become more than friends by now. I felt like she was my Mother and she felt I was her daughter. Matt sat on the other side of his mother and Janice on his other side. For the first time in my life I was furious with Janice. While Matt wear an appropriate all black suit she wore jeans, a dingy navy blue t-shirt, and dirty tennis shoes. She blamed her attire on the fact that she was pregnant and didn't have anything to wear except jeans.
Less than two weeks later Matt came calling. He said Joshua's death had made him realize what a fool he had been and not only did he want to be back with me but he wanted to get married. I began to plan a wedding that would take place in about six months time. However Matt didn't want to wait. We were married two weeks later and Matt and his three children moved in with me and my two children. Seven people living in a 3 bedroom, one bath home of under 900 square feet. Not an easy task but we managed. For the first six weeks at least.
Life Lesson #30 If you can't be faithful before you are married then what in the world makes you think you will be faithful after you tie the knot.
Shortly after our wedding Janice called him while we were in bed. He said "Let me answer and take care of this." He told her point blankly that he was married and she needed to leave him alone. I heard her reply "I don't care if your married or not." Shortly after that he hung up on her and we changed his cell phone number. Matt started coming home from work late. Then he would run errands late at night.
He began to make comments about the shape of my breasts how I should have surgery to make them perkier. I had breast fed both my children and was proud that they sagged. I had been a B cup in high school and a DDD while breast feeding and after went back down to a C. Of course they would sag.
He started going to his aunt's house quite frequently and as she had never been a great fan of mine I wasn't welcome there. One night while having sex he called me Janice. Shortly after the incident he moved out. For seven months he bounced between Janice and Denise before calling me up. He claimed he had once again seen the light, didn't want a divorce, and wanted to be back together. This time I moved in with him, his three kids, his elderly aunt, my two kids and me. All of us in a one bedroom duplex where the dining room served as a bedroom and so did the living room. He bought me a new set of wedding rings for Valentine's Day. In March, 2005 I turned thirty one. Two weeks later out of the blue at eleven pm he tells me he realizes this was a mistake and would I please move out the next day.
Even before I had my things moved out Janice had moved her things in. I figured it would be like before and he would come back. About two weeks later I was at the store and so were Matt and Janice. I was with my daughter and they had his three children. My daughter tried to talk to him and he ignored her and began talking to Janice. His children started talking to me and Janice ordered them to stop talking to me. I began to cry as the cashier started ringing me up. The cashier told them "She is free down on number nine." pointing to the other end of the store. Janice didn't budge then finally Matt began to push the cart down there.
The cashier kindly said "I take it you know them?" I whimpered like a defeated dog, "That's my husband and his new girlfriend. Those are my step-children." I was humiliated like no one had ever humiliated me before. High school for me had been horrible but this was a million times worse. I went home and stayed in bed for almost a week only getting up to feed the kids, get them off to school and go back to bed.
I had been such a crappy mother from the time my husband had died in 2001 until this point that I am amazed my daughter has turned out so well. This realization came with anger. I began calling Matt and asking him for an amicable divorce. I drew up the papers to say he kept what he had and I kept what I had and we were done for irreconcilable difference. The first set I gave to his Mother to give to him. He told me he tore them up. He didn't want a divorce. However he also wasn't willing to leave Janice and make it work with me.
Luckily we had bought his Jeep while we were married and my name was on the title. I had a key to it that I had in case of emergency. Six am on a Sunday morning I had a very dear friend who will forever be kept nameless drive me over to his house and drop me off. I took the Jeep and hid it away somewhere he would never find it. About two hours later I received a call from the Police asking if I had the Jeep. I replied that I did and as it had my name on the title I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. The Police were upset that I had not left the car seat and two booster seats as the children could not be transported without them. Funny they never added up that there were two adults and four children (including Janice's daughter) for a five passenger vehicle. However being the nice person I am I took the car seat and booster seats to the Police station. Janice was furious because some of her stuff was in the back. She claimed that her baby's stroller was back there but I never saw one. I am not so cold and heartless as to take a baby stroller from a baby.
At the Police station Matt asked what it would take to get his Jeep back. I replied calmly "I want a divorce." Janice spoke up and the light bulb in my head went off. "He has been trying to get you to get a divorce since you got married!" The one thing he had been fighting me on was getting the divorce was the very same thing he had been telling her he wanted and I wouldn't give him. I asked him to meet me at the courthouse the following day alone and we would end this and go our separate ways. I wanted a chance to tell him goodbye in private. We may have had four crazy years of on again off again relationship but I needed closure.
That next day he showed up, with Janice in tow. They sat behind me with heads together laughing and kissing. The court reporter was furious at their behavior when she found out He and I were here to get a divorce. The judge pushed the divorce through as I stood there humiliated.
About a month later I received a cal from Matt. He was in the middle of telling me he was through with Janice and wanted to meet and talk when she beeped in on call waiting on his end. He said "Let me tell her one last time it's over and I will call you back." That call never came. The phone call was to tell him her baby girl had drowned in the swimming pool while Janice had been too busy on the phone to pay attention to her. Her uncle was a police officer in the town where they lived and was able to make sure it was considered an accidental drowning and no charges were pressed against her for neglect. Strangely enough within two years of him doing so he was shot and disfigured by an armed suspect.
I couldn't help but wonder if Janice breaking up our marriage was being punished by Karma by her child dying. I couldn't help but wonder if her uncle being shot and disfigured for life was Karma for him covering up Kaylee's death. I couldn't help wonder that if Janice had been punished by Karma for breaking up a marriage then what had my punishment been or what would it be? Was my punishment one I was giving to myself by always going back to him or was it something more horrible still to come. Matt's mom told me that even though Matt was married when we met the marriage was over. Denise had moved on to a different man and so by dating Matt, I had not committed adultery. I pray to God every day to keep my children and loved ones safe. I don't get to talk to my step children very often but I love them and pray for them everyday.
I wish apologize to Denise for interfering in her marriage. I keep my distance from Matt and Janice who are now unhappily and unfaithfully married. I would love to be friends with Matt for the sake of our children but under the circumstances must remain distant. Janice still gets together with her baby's Father and Matt still gets together with his children's Mother. Matt and Janice break up and get back together just like he and I did. However it seems that he really wants his marriage to work and perhaps the game of cat and mouse they play with each other makes them stronger.
I however learned a very important lesson. After all it took me four years to learn it. When someone willingly and knowingly does harm to the relationship they are in, whether it be by lying, cheating on the other person, stealing from them, or any other offense done by choice, then the relationship is dead and it is time to move on.
I don't know the details of what happened between Tiger Woods and his wife Elin. None of us do as we are all outsiders looking into their marriage and can only guess what actually is happening. However I commend Elin for walking away. I believe that if he had cheated on her before they were married and she had known about it they never would have married. She is a woman whom I respect based on this incident and how she has handled the matter.
Life Lesson #06 :There are no second chances in relationships either get it right the first time or move on!
Famous line in most relationships having trouble: "Give me a second chance."
Biblically: I was the one who was raised with old fashioned values. If someone does wrong to you don't forgive them seven times but 70 times 7 and after you have forgiven them continue to forgive them just as God forgives you. The bible says that the only reason to divorce is for adultery.
Legally: Only 26 states in the United States say that Adultery is illegal and Illinois is one of them. Of those only 16 allow adultery to be grounds for divorce and Illinois is not one of them.
Illinois: when I asked to file charges against my husband and his girlfriend for adultery the police officer promptly said "Lady, if I arrested everyone who committed adultery then two-thirds of everyone would be in jail." Mind you this is a state that says it is illegal. I guess that's why so many of Illinois governors have served time in prison. If those that are supposed to uphold the law don't then why should any of it's citizens bother to follow the law?
So many times in my past relationships I came across the words "Give me another chance!" Sometimes it was my partner and other times it was me saying it. Sometimes, especially while in high school my partner would say sure and we would be back together. As I grew up I never quite got over the hump to say enough was enough until I met Matt. In 2001 my second husband had passed away (a story for another time) and I was spending time either working or drinking. Sometimes I was working and drinking. Luckily I had a very understanding boss, that or he really didn't care. I met Matt when he came into the dealership I worked at to buy a car. He was sweet, charming, and had a rugged look. The car dealership was a buy here, pay here type of place so Matt came in every month to make his payments. On his second Visit he asked if "Maybe we could go out sometime." My interpretation was "We should hang out at a bar sometime." I answered maybe. On his third Visit he asked for my number. I gave it to him but doubted he would call.
Almost two weeks later I was on a dinner date when my cell phone rang. It was Matt asking if he could take me out. I quickly said yes and that I would call him back. That evening after a disastrous date (the guy thought it went great) I called Matt back. We made a date for two weeks later. About a week later he calls me back and explains that he is getting a divorce but really wants to date me but would feel more comfortable if we double dated with his mom and her new boyfriend so that I would know how sincere he was and that he wasn't lying about getting a divorce.
The night before we went out he called and we proceeded to talk for over three hours. My cell phone died, his cell phone died, and his home phone died before we stopped talking. Before I even went on the date I knew this man was everything I had ever looked for in a man. The problem was that when you are sharing your life story with someone else you tend to not tell them the negatives.
The date went fabulously. Actually it was very awkward as Matt's mom's date turned out to be a total embarrassment. The man couldn't shut up during the movie and to make matters worse seemed to be going out of his way to humiliate her. By the end of the date Matt's mom, Helen and I were quickly becoming friends. After we dropped his mom and her date off we drove around continuing to talk. The next day we met each other's children and I met his brother-in-law. A few days later I met his eldest sister and her children by the end of the week I had met his other sister, Cathy and her children. Essentially I met the entire family in a matter of one week and I loved them all.
One week later he was helping his brother-in-law's parents move. The U-haul truck they had rented had a failure of the emergency brake and the truck rolled back crushing Matt's brother-in-law, Vince. When I first got the call I stayed put. Matt's estrange wife and her sister had went to the hospital upon finding out and I figured that I had no right to be there. Afterwards I got a call asking to please come to the hospital. I spent a month of driving back and forth to the hospital, to their house, to my house, and running errands. I spent every extra penny I had helping their family financially. (Don't ever do this expecting to be paid back because there is never a guarantee unless it is written in blood and even then don't believe the blood is real.)
Vince recovered well enough to be home for Christmas and a wonderful Christmas it was. My children and I spent Christmas day at Vince and Amy's house. Matt bought me a beautiful gold cross necklace with his birthstone in the center surrounded by four diamond chips. Around two o'clock that afternoon Matt's estranged wife came by to pick up his kids.
She had problems of her own and the kids were spending most of their time with him. She would get them when it was convenient for her. At the time she was living with a man who was wanted for attempted murder of a police office. In February he was captured by the FBI and she came running to "her babies." She acted like he had prevented her from seeing her children for any length of time. As her children were four, three, and one and hardly knew her anymore Matt being the good father agreed to spend the night at her house on the couch so that the kids would stay the night. I was intimidated because she was his legal wife.
On Valentine's Day two weeks later Matt asked me to go to his sister Amy's after work. I arrived around four and anxiously awaited him to get there. Three hours later he pulled up and presented me with a beautiful gold bracelet where the tiny hearts linked together. I loved it but also asked why he was so late. It turns out he had to take his wife to the airport to catch a flight to meet another boyfriend. I went home that night with mixed feelings.
Life Lesson #28: If the person you like is married they are not on the market until the divorce is finalized!
That summer began the first of him going back to her. Always leaving her because he wanted to be with me. Going back to her, for the kid’s sake. Coming back to me because I was right for him. There were so many times this happened I can't even count them. Through all of this we never lived together as I was trying to hold onto some of the important values I had been raised with. Between 2002 and 2003 it became a strange game of cat and mouse. When he was with me she was doing everything she could to get him back. When I finally would think we were over and would start dating again he would "realize he was wrong" and want to start again.
At the end of 2003 a third girl fell into the mix. Her name was Janice and she walked into the car dealership where Matt was working. She was a sweet eighteen year-old that came in with a friend of Matt's and his now ex-wife, Denise. She was pregnant and needing a car as her boyfriend was going to prison. Somehow they ended up dating.
It became almost like a schedule. Date Denise, Date Wendy, Date Janice, rinse and repeat. At the beginning of 2004 Matt's best friend Joshua came to me and said "Wendy, I know you love him but he is always going to hurt you. You need to move on. I love you and I love Matt but I can't stand to see him hurting you. He lies to you and just keeps hurting you and your kids."
I walked away vowing that I would stop this cycle of bad relationship. Two months later before Matt had a chance to work his way back around to me Joshua died in an accidental drowning. My world shattered as did my children's. At Joshua's Funeral I sat next to Helen as we had become more than friends by now. I felt like she was my Mother and she felt I was her daughter. Matt sat on the other side of his mother and Janice on his other side. For the first time in my life I was furious with Janice. While Matt wear an appropriate all black suit she wore jeans, a dingy navy blue t-shirt, and dirty tennis shoes. She blamed her attire on the fact that she was pregnant and didn't have anything to wear except jeans.
Less than two weeks later Matt came calling. He said Joshua's death had made him realize what a fool he had been and not only did he want to be back with me but he wanted to get married. I began to plan a wedding that would take place in about six months time. However Matt didn't want to wait. We were married two weeks later and Matt and his three children moved in with me and my two children. Seven people living in a 3 bedroom, one bath home of under 900 square feet. Not an easy task but we managed. For the first six weeks at least.
Life Lesson #30 If you can't be faithful before you are married then what in the world makes you think you will be faithful after you tie the knot.
Shortly after our wedding Janice called him while we were in bed. He said "Let me answer and take care of this." He told her point blankly that he was married and she needed to leave him alone. I heard her reply "I don't care if your married or not." Shortly after that he hung up on her and we changed his cell phone number. Matt started coming home from work late. Then he would run errands late at night.
He began to make comments about the shape of my breasts how I should have surgery to make them perkier. I had breast fed both my children and was proud that they sagged. I had been a B cup in high school and a DDD while breast feeding and after went back down to a C. Of course they would sag.
He started going to his aunt's house quite frequently and as she had never been a great fan of mine I wasn't welcome there. One night while having sex he called me Janice. Shortly after the incident he moved out. For seven months he bounced between Janice and Denise before calling me up. He claimed he had once again seen the light, didn't want a divorce, and wanted to be back together. This time I moved in with him, his three kids, his elderly aunt, my two kids and me. All of us in a one bedroom duplex where the dining room served as a bedroom and so did the living room. He bought me a new set of wedding rings for Valentine's Day. In March, 2005 I turned thirty one. Two weeks later out of the blue at eleven pm he tells me he realizes this was a mistake and would I please move out the next day.
Even before I had my things moved out Janice had moved her things in. I figured it would be like before and he would come back. About two weeks later I was at the store and so were Matt and Janice. I was with my daughter and they had his three children. My daughter tried to talk to him and he ignored her and began talking to Janice. His children started talking to me and Janice ordered them to stop talking to me. I began to cry as the cashier started ringing me up. The cashier told them "She is free down on number nine." pointing to the other end of the store. Janice didn't budge then finally Matt began to push the cart down there.
The cashier kindly said "I take it you know them?" I whimpered like a defeated dog, "That's my husband and his new girlfriend. Those are my step-children." I was humiliated like no one had ever humiliated me before. High school for me had been horrible but this was a million times worse. I went home and stayed in bed for almost a week only getting up to feed the kids, get them off to school and go back to bed.
I had been such a crappy mother from the time my husband had died in 2001 until this point that I am amazed my daughter has turned out so well. This realization came with anger. I began calling Matt and asking him for an amicable divorce. I drew up the papers to say he kept what he had and I kept what I had and we were done for irreconcilable difference. The first set I gave to his Mother to give to him. He told me he tore them up. He didn't want a divorce. However he also wasn't willing to leave Janice and make it work with me.
Luckily we had bought his Jeep while we were married and my name was on the title. I had a key to it that I had in case of emergency. Six am on a Sunday morning I had a very dear friend who will forever be kept nameless drive me over to his house and drop me off. I took the Jeep and hid it away somewhere he would never find it. About two hours later I received a call from the Police asking if I had the Jeep. I replied that I did and as it had my name on the title I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. The Police were upset that I had not left the car seat and two booster seats as the children could not be transported without them. Funny they never added up that there were two adults and four children (including Janice's daughter) for a five passenger vehicle. However being the nice person I am I took the car seat and booster seats to the Police station. Janice was furious because some of her stuff was in the back. She claimed that her baby's stroller was back there but I never saw one. I am not so cold and heartless as to take a baby stroller from a baby.
At the Police station Matt asked what it would take to get his Jeep back. I replied calmly "I want a divorce." Janice spoke up and the light bulb in my head went off. "He has been trying to get you to get a divorce since you got married!" The one thing he had been fighting me on was getting the divorce was the very same thing he had been telling her he wanted and I wouldn't give him. I asked him to meet me at the courthouse the following day alone and we would end this and go our separate ways. I wanted a chance to tell him goodbye in private. We may have had four crazy years of on again off again relationship but I needed closure.
That next day he showed up, with Janice in tow. They sat behind me with heads together laughing and kissing. The court reporter was furious at their behavior when she found out He and I were here to get a divorce. The judge pushed the divorce through as I stood there humiliated.
About a month later I received a cal from Matt. He was in the middle of telling me he was through with Janice and wanted to meet and talk when she beeped in on call waiting on his end. He said "Let me tell her one last time it's over and I will call you back." That call never came. The phone call was to tell him her baby girl had drowned in the swimming pool while Janice had been too busy on the phone to pay attention to her. Her uncle was a police officer in the town where they lived and was able to make sure it was considered an accidental drowning and no charges were pressed against her for neglect. Strangely enough within two years of him doing so he was shot and disfigured by an armed suspect.
I couldn't help but wonder if Janice breaking up our marriage was being punished by Karma by her child dying. I couldn't help but wonder if her uncle being shot and disfigured for life was Karma for him covering up Kaylee's death. I couldn't help wonder that if Janice had been punished by Karma for breaking up a marriage then what had my punishment been or what would it be? Was my punishment one I was giving to myself by always going back to him or was it something more horrible still to come. Matt's mom told me that even though Matt was married when we met the marriage was over. Denise had moved on to a different man and so by dating Matt, I had not committed adultery. I pray to God every day to keep my children and loved ones safe. I don't get to talk to my step children very often but I love them and pray for them everyday.
I wish apologize to Denise for interfering in her marriage. I keep my distance from Matt and Janice who are now unhappily and unfaithfully married. I would love to be friends with Matt for the sake of our children but under the circumstances must remain distant. Janice still gets together with her baby's Father and Matt still gets together with his children's Mother. Matt and Janice break up and get back together just like he and I did. However it seems that he really wants his marriage to work and perhaps the game of cat and mouse they play with each other makes them stronger.
I however learned a very important lesson. After all it took me four years to learn it. When someone willingly and knowingly does harm to the relationship they are in, whether it be by lying, cheating on the other person, stealing from them, or any other offense done by choice, then the relationship is dead and it is time to move on.
I don't know the details of what happened between Tiger Woods and his wife Elin. None of us do as we are all outsiders looking into their marriage and can only guess what actually is happening. However I commend Elin for walking away. I believe that if he had cheated on her before they were married and she had known about it they never would have married. She is a woman whom I respect based on this incident and how she has handled the matter.
Life Lesson #06 :There are no second chances in relationships either get it right the first time or move on!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Beginning
Since I began the 1300 mile trip back from South Padre Island, Texas in 2008, I have been seriously thinking as to how I could impact the world to make a difference. The answer has been overwhelmingly to write a blog and share my experiences with the world. They won't be in chronological order. In fact they won't be in any particular order. I have made many poor choices in my life and I am hoping that if even one person will read my blog and it impacts them to make better choices then I have succeeded in making the world a much better place than when I began.
First I will begin by introducing myself and sharing the basic facts of my life which brought me to this point. I am a 38-year-old mother of two teenage children, a fosterchild, and grandmother of one with another on the way. I am married to a wonderful man named Tony who is full of life and inspiration. I was going to college but had to stop last Fall due to a strange medical illness that still isn't resolved. I have had at least 20 different jobs in my life and none of them have been kept for more than two years consecutively. I have been married three times and been in more "serious" relationships than any one person should ever have to deal with. I have used drugs and alcohol. I have lied, cheated, and stole. I have "come to Jesus" and then ran from church as fast as I could. For a 38, I have done more in my lifetime than most 80 year olds ever dreamed of. Somethings I am quite proud of while others I hang my head in shame. I have recomitted to my relationship with God and am going to do the best I can to serve him with my devotional blog called God's Insight for Daily Living.
Although I am not perfect I believe that I have changed my life enough for the good that hopefully someone out there will take what I have to say and allow it to impact their life. Through others we can learn and prevent bad choices, through experience we face the consequeces of what others have already warned. As I reflect upon my choices and trust God that I am where I am supposed to be for a reason, I welcome your responses to my blog and you may email me at Countreefly@gmail.com . Please put Wyndolyn's Blog in the subject line so I don't mistake it for junk mail.
First I will begin by introducing myself and sharing the basic facts of my life which brought me to this point. I am a 38-year-old mother of two teenage children, a fosterchild, and grandmother of one with another on the way. I am married to a wonderful man named Tony who is full of life and inspiration. I was going to college but had to stop last Fall due to a strange medical illness that still isn't resolved. I have had at least 20 different jobs in my life and none of them have been kept for more than two years consecutively. I have been married three times and been in more "serious" relationships than any one person should ever have to deal with. I have used drugs and alcohol. I have lied, cheated, and stole. I have "come to Jesus" and then ran from church as fast as I could. For a 38, I have done more in my lifetime than most 80 year olds ever dreamed of. Somethings I am quite proud of while others I hang my head in shame. I have recomitted to my relationship with God and am going to do the best I can to serve him with my devotional blog called God's Insight for Daily Living.
Although I am not perfect I believe that I have changed my life enough for the good that hopefully someone out there will take what I have to say and allow it to impact their life. Through others we can learn and prevent bad choices, through experience we face the consequeces of what others have already warned. As I reflect upon my choices and trust God that I am where I am supposed to be for a reason, I welcome your responses to my blog and you may email me at Countreefly@gmail.com . Please put Wyndolyn's Blog in the subject line so I don't mistake it for junk mail.
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